I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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