I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
