How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
