No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
