hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
