i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
