Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
