How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
