I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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