I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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