i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
