I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
