he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
