would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
