I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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