her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
