I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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