Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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