Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
