She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
