WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
this beer tastes like vomit already
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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