You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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