he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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