She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
