just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
