Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
