moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
