We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize