im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
