I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
