If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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