Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
As shirtless as possible
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
