i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
