Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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