be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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