Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
