I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
