he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
