I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This is the high leading the old right now
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
