I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
