i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
