i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
