Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
