Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize