Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
