your parents love me but you hate me
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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