just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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