I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
