I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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