I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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