Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
