What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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