Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Blood and glitter go together right?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
