some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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