My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Someone shattered a urinal.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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