I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize
