it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize