If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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