I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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