She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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