After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
