I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
