Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
