when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
