someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
