no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
